Archive for: October, 2013

Schedule for Sunday Nov 3rd (Marathon & Clocks+CPR Women’s Derby)

Oct 30 2013 Published by under Club

A public service announcement ahead of this weekend’s games – Sunday is the Marathon so plan your travel time and route accordingly, and Saturday night we “fall back” the clocks an hour, that’s time for extra sleep, not an extra hour in the pub.  Don’t be a Mike D (aka Dan P)

CPR Womens Derby – Womens Red vs Womens White 1pm East 6th Street

Mens White @ NY Croatia, 3pm Croatian Recreation Center (Boonton, NJ)

Mens White Reserves  @ NY Croatia, 1pm Croatian Recreation Center (Boonton, NJ)

Mens Red vs. Dynamo SC, 1pm Randalls #90

Mens Black @ Grenadier Zenith, 2pm Bushwick Inlet

The Grays vs. Shamrock SC, 8am Randalls #75

The Old Boys vs Nieuw Amsterdam, 9am Randalls #82

The Legends vs SC Gjoa, 9am Randalls #90

(wow, that looks like Over30′s fest at Central Bar for breakfast platters, followed by a nice afternoon shift for the other squads)

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A Game of Two Halves.

Oct 30 2013 Published by under Reds

Sunday proved to be another tough test for CPR Reds as they faced the high flying Mr.Dennehey’s FC at Randalls Island. For once the Reds had their wish granted and were playing on field 74, instead of the great expanse that is field 75. There were a few notable absences but the Reds were able to field a strong team, welcoming back keeper Shane after his loan came to an end with the Whites.

The Reds began the First half brightly, with Hendo and Omar continuously keeping the Dennehey’s back line busy. Several good chances came their way, and free-kicks and corners began to tally up. Fullback Iano and Blake made several attacking runs and Iano tried his luck from outside the box after elegantly cutting inside his opposing fullback, only to fire harmlessly wide. There was a sense that the Reds may continue their familiar play of dominating games without converting their chances.

Midway through the first half the Reds finally made the breakthrough. Declan picked up possession in front of his back four and advanced up the field before slotting a perfect through ball into the path of Omar. Omar skinned his defender and moved the ball onto his right foot before dispatching a scorching strike into the bottom corner. The Denneheys keeper could do nothing but watch it fly into the net; the Reds had the lead they deserved.

The Reds continued to have the better of the first half with Alberto and Salt keeping things under check at the back. Denneheys rarely ventured into the Reds half and their frustration showed and their right back (clearly suffering from small man syndrome) engaged in the typical angry footballer argy-bargy with Phil. Phil, incidentally the nicest bloke on the planet, may have antagonized the angry small dude a little, but nothing came of the commotion.

The Reds went in at half time 1-0 up and by far the better team, and even after the notion “you’re always in game at 1-0” the Reds simply didn’t appear in the second half. A few changes were made but the Reds couldn’t regain their rhythm or purpose in the second half and the game appeared to go a little flat. Denneheys began to put on some pressure and from a short corner they delivered a ball into the Reds box. What followed was the epitome of Sunday football as the cross that was sent in looped over the Reds keeper and inside the far post. The game was now tied due to a sliced cross that dropped in the top corner that the player, given a 100 chances to replicate probably couldn’t.

The Reds couldn’t find anything that resembled a comeback, and moments later another ball into the Reds area caused problems, with a Denneheys attacker finding a yard to head home from close range. Denneheys now lead 2-1, and were having a better half than the Reds.

The Reds finally began to rally, but it proved too little too late and chances in the last 5 couldn’t salvage a point. A game of two halves as the Reds couldn’t match their 1st half performance in the 2nd, ultimately costing them the game. A huge 3 points is needed on Sunday Vs Dynamo.

Man of the Match : Alberto. Another solid display at the back.

Mare of the match: Blake’s 3rd Degree knee burn, along with Jack’s broken ankle.


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Old Boys Crush Manhattan Celtic 5 – 0

Oct 30 2013 Published by under OldBoys

As a throng of CPR alarm clocks rang through the state of New York, one man lay in defiance. One man turned his head over and said NO, today is not the day. One man in seeing his lie in slipping away like sand through his fingers embraced his indiscretion, pulled the warm covers back over his head, put his cell on mute, and enveloped in slumber where only the weak-willed dare to lie. That man’s name…?

Daniel Penrod.

Prelude: Let me take you back a week and to the aftermath of our Cup match penalty loss. Under the skeptical eye of Ms. P; Joe ‘Stepover’ P boldly claimed that had he been tasked with dispatching one of the nine CPR penalties, then CPR would be sat proudly in round 2. A daring claim, and one which unfortunately for The Stepover, left a lingering question unanswered in many of the listening minds…

And so to Randal’s Island! With no balls to warm up with and more hangovers on display than a Bradley Cooper film, it was once again left to Sgt. Brindley (who on evidence wears a hangover with the same elegance a horse wears a toupee) to lead the team on a merry dance across the field. Vodka, IPA, and Bourbon Iced Tea wafted across the hallowed turf as Stower took gleeful delight in goading those whose only breakfast had consisted of four crushed Advils throughout the subdued drill. The reluctance stretched right the way through to the management as Becker held out until just two minutes before kick-off before finally changing into Legends goalkeeper kit. It bears no small coincidence that in his reluctance to don the tangerine shirt, Becker could mistake a 4 foot Mexican from 60 yards for our 6’5 keeper. Twice.

The match finally got underway as the Old Boys eased into action. Steve ‘Jagger’ Morse (kudos to those who get the reference – sorry Steve-O, get well soon!), donned his Ron Atkinson trench coat and set to wringing the tactics from the touchline. In support was the Dogmatic Chris Williams, barking orders and enforcing the instructions. The pitch was about 3cm larger than the CPR Home pitch but how those 3cm make a difference. As the team adjusted to the greater space the Old Boys gradually took control of the passing. On the tenth minute a CPR corner was knocked away to the edge of the box where Engler teed up a thunderous volley, and smashed the ball home with aplomb. The opposition barely had time to adjust when Sawyer tucked in no.2, before putting a header down to Creighton who calmly tucked the ball home as if ice ran freely through his veins. Williams then introduced himself into the foray and Old Boys found themselves at halftime four to the good with no reply, as Williams’ cross into the area was accidentally steered into his own net by the Manhattan Celtic center back.


He may have the haircut of Skeletor, well he now has the dictionary. These three words will forever sit like a beacon in the memory of all those fortunate enough grace the field this day (obviously not you Dan Penrod… have I mentioned Dan didn’t turn up?). Destroy. Their. Souls.

Gone was the team that entered the arena, as the CPR eleven that took to the field for the second half stood tall and proud, men before the boys of only 45 minutes before. The half started at a frantic pace as the Old Boys pushed to sink more goals in their favor. The Stepover had clearly packed his bag of tricks as time and time again he shimmied and turned, danced and pirouetted, held the ball like a feather and had the opposition chasing shadows with the slightest drop of a shoulder. The CPR subs could do little but applaud and watch in admiration.

It wasn’t long before Jens ‘Von Goalhammer’ Faulhaber chased through a ball and smashed home goal no.5 past the goalkeeper at the near post. The right wing was having the better of things with the Jones/Ault/Engler combination moving the ball well up through to the strikers, whilst the rotation of Kass/Edmunds/Clarke held sure at the back.

Celtic rallied and pressed and for long periods but the CPR defense closed down well. The larger pitch took its toll and the subs rang with increased frequency as Morse looked to enforce momentum.

Credit must go to the referee for the second week running. Despite missing a blatant penalty and then handing out a dubious yellow card (the author bore close witness to both moments and say with a complete unbiased certainty that the referee was wrong on both occasions. And so it was written…) the referee made amends by finally awarding CPR the penalty that their previous play had deserved.

Cue the lingering unanswered question…

As Joe ‘The Stepover’ P’s penalty sailed WELL wide of the goalmouth, a wry smile came to all those fortunate enough to witness this moment of footballing magic. Not often does football, soccer, or any other broadly supported sport return such epic moments of smugness, yet this one will be cherished for years to come. The referees whistle blew moments after and at with a 5-0 scoreline to take back to the newly furbished Central Bar clubhouse, a rapturous entourage (minus Dan Penrod) made its way home to sample the new – and clearly watered down – Central Bar IPA.

By David Sawyer

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Results from Sunday 10/27

Oct 28 2013 Published by under Club

Womens Red had a BYE this weekend

Womens White beat Vendeval via forfeit

Mens White beat NYAC, 1-0

Mens White Reserves  drew 0-0 with NYAC

Mens Red apparently lost to Mr. Dennehy’s FC

Mens Black fell 2-3 @ Dynamo SC

The Grays lost 2-4 to Clarkstown SC Eagles

The Old Boys beat Manhattan Celtic Bhoys 5-0

The Legends beat BW Gottschee 1-0 (match report)

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CPR Legends teach classless BW Gottschee a lesson

Oct 28 2013 Published by under Legends

After last week’s narrow loss in the cup the Legends were looking forward to testing their mettle against BW Gottschee in a top of the table clash.  Their one sided scores this season indicated they had a tough defence with a prolific offense.  Fortunately CPR had a strong squad available and a good 4pm kickoff at the favoured Randall’s Island Field #74 after Resnik’s wedding reception the night before.

The game eventually started with the Legends possessing more of the ball but without many shots to take advantage of the late setting sun.  BW Gottschee’s plan of deep balls for forwards to run onto was capably kept in check with Belizano organizing the defence.  Despite this, the best chance of the half fell to the opposition as a header glanced off the outside of the post.  .  Half time came with CPR slightly shading the game but with their defence now facing the brutal sun.  Strategy was discussed and attacking changes were to be made for the last twenty minutes if the game remained close.  But nobody saw what was to come in the second half.

As Gottschee started to realize that this wouldn’t be the cake walk they were used to, the physicality started to increase.  The usual banter between teams was going on, but what a frustrated Gottschee started to do was add unpleasant elements to deteriorate the game.  Chatting is one thing, but cheap shots started as well as off the ball punches and shoves.  The referee tried to pay attention but with so much going on it was hard to keep focused.  The Legends tried to maintain composure but dealing with borderline criminal activity made it difficult, as was the referee trying to be even handed but instead encouraging Gottschee to continue making a mockery of the game.  Certainly the Football Gods took notice and smiled at CPR for playing the right way, with Sean Street taking a cross from Stephan and burying it in the net with aplomb.

This was more than Gottschee could stand, and the dirty play and complaining exponentially increased.  The Legends took the opportunity to exert their mental superiority over the opposition, goading them into a frothing frenzy while limiting them to long free kicks.  Eventually one of their filthy moves was performed right in front of the referee, a punch to the face of Ochoa that left the referee no choice but to give a straight red.  The only thing more embarrassing than the punch was the Gottschee players pleading against the red.

The Legends had won the mental battle and eventually the game.  However although there was a certain satisfaction in Good triumphing over Evil, there was also a general disgust in having to deal with such disgraceful shenanigans from supposedly grown men.  Not since the days of Partizani a couple of years ago have CPR had to deal with behavior that would get people arrested if performed on the street.  For the next game CPR will certainly be requesting linesman from the league for protection, as well as videoing the proceedings and contacting the appropriate probation officers as needed.  As corporate professionals the Legends need to actually go into work the next day.

Competition: BW Gottschee, League Opposition

Location: Randalls Island #74, Randalls Island

Conditions: Chilly fall afternoon

Fans: Edmunds

Result: 1-0 (0-0 at H/T)

Goals:  1:0 Street, Assist Stephan

Yellow Cards: What a farce.  The fact any Legends got booked was a joke, but the referee was trying to be even handed. It’s hard to pick which booking was the worst, but Venkataraman pushing a player away for slapping him and then getting booked while the other animal didn’t was definitely up there.  Venkataraman, Bernoske, D’Andrea, Ochoa.

Red Card: None

Mike D’s aka No Shows: None

Conboy’s aka Reverse Mike D’s: None.

”Mr. Glass” Fragility/Old Man Injury Award: Casanova felt a twinge and in a game this tight wisely took himself off.  Of course there were numerous injuries suffered by the cheap shotting opponents, with Stephan’s ankle already swelling up from the surreptitious stamping and Ochoa’s face bruised from the punch.

Old Man of the Match: Sean Street took the award with a well taken goal and good runs, but the whole defence gets an honorary mention.

Old Man of the Bar: None.

El Presidente (new award for Old Men who don’t make it to game but come to the bar): None, although Shafranek showed up as an honorary Old Boy / Legend.

Team Bar Showing: 7 out of 14 (50%)

Team Bar Night:  3 out of 5: Several people managed to make it back and combined with the Old Boyz it made it a good morning into afternoon (into early evening for some).

Team (No new profiles this week): Mark Becker (GK), Luciano Belizan (DF), Pete Hahn (DF), Mark Resnik (DF), Dan Bernoske (DF), Sean Street, Dan Ochoa, Chris Muro, Chris Jee, Manohar Venkataraman, Willan D’Andrea, Dylan Fitzgerald, Paul Stephan, Manuel Casanova

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Oct 25 2013 Published by under Whites

On a beautiful October day in Williamsburg, the CPR White Reserves had a field day against College Point in the 1st Round of the State Cup winning 6-0. Norelli started the romp off with a beautifully taken goal off an assist  from Captain Ma,  dribbling the keeper from the left hand side. Things continued south for the visitors as Brent rocketed an upper 90 blast from Norelco that left the keeper with no chance. Very shortly after, newbie Danny “Z” Zeidman cooly and calmly as ever headed in the 3rd off the cross from Adam Shindler. Before the half, with Jon doing little else but taking in a nice Fall tan, Alex slotted in the 4th if the half, continuing his scoring ways this season. The second half was more of the same with College Point never giving up but the Whites didn’t give them anything more than 2 corner kicks. Danny “Junior” C netted in the 5th and 6th, which were much deserved after having his way with the College Point defense all afternoon. Credit to Brian Nolan who stepped up as a center back and held his position well thru the game.

Team: Jon, Brian, Greg, Dan Z, Andy M, Brent, Mike D, Norelli, Alex, Dan C, Adam, Devin

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Gallant Whites Break an Old Lady’s Heart

Oct 25 2013 Published by under Whites

On a cool October Sunday evening, the firsts made their annual trip to the heart of Long Island to face the local Juventus side, at ‘The Field of Dreams’ (no kidding) park in Massapequa. Buoyed by the thumping dished out by the reserves earlier in the day, the firsts were looking to recover their winning ways in style after two tough defeats. However this well-founded optimism began to evaporate just before kickoff when first, a couple of players got lost (Massapequa is hard to type correctly) and arrived late, prompting a change in the line-up. Not to be outdone, the referee showed up half an hour late as well, with only one linesman (to be honest, its a pity the linesman came at all). Apparently he was sent to the wrong field, perhaps Old Trafford is also in LI?

Finally the game got underway and within five minutes it was clear that the Italians were no pushovers. Even without Pirlo and Vidal, obviously rested for the Champions League clash against Real on Wed, Juve had several skillful midfielders who were causing lost of problems with their quick counter-attacking game. The Whites were having trouble dealing with the Italian tactics and had Ben to thank for a superb save early on to keep the game scoreless. Although the possession in midfield was clearly lacking the entire half, the Whites did begin to assert themselves as the game progressed, and found some joy down the wings with crosses from Paul, Kwesi, and Hychem creating havoc, and only desperate defending preventing a tap-in. Carlos then had a good shot on goal which was saved by the keeper, but overall the team knew that it just wasn’t good enough.

The Whites reshuffled their line-up at half-time with Ruben coming in at right back and Mike stepping into the midfield, and there was some improvement in the play, though no clear chances to show for it. The Italians were sticking to their long-ball-lay-it-off-and-run tactics and around the 60th minute it finally worked. The sleepy linesman who already fluffed a similar call earlier, failed to call a clear offside, the Whites’ back-line didn’t recover in time and the striker finished off the break-away with a well placed shot. For a moment it was hard to believe that a comeback was on the cards, but the Whites went bold, switched to three in the back and increased the pressure dramatically. Soon after, Kwesi managed to outpace a defender and was clumsily tripped just inside the penalty area.  Mike took responsibility but hit the ensuing penalty too close to the middle, though to be fair, the keeper was off his line to make the save. With the clock now ticking against them, the Whites continued to pin the Italians back as several crosses and set pieces went begging. The midfielders were winning all the second balls and it was only inevitable when one well-recovered ball was worked to Ben Hirsch who found himself in oceans of space on the 5-yard line.  As cool as the other side of the pillow, Ben slowed down time  and rolled the ball into the net, prompting some emphatic (embarrassing?) celebrations.

The job wasn’t done yet as the Whites were intent on avoiding penalties, and with the full moon shining brightly behind the trees, continued to hound the Italians who were growing frustrated, and putting in some nasty late challenges on Carlos and Edgar.  Of course, as we’ve come to expect from every Hollywood romance movie, in the end the gallant one must break the lady’s heart. And as banal as it may seem, the Whites did just that when with five minutes to go, Mike popped up in the penalty area to head in the winning goal  (and show Kwesi, who missed his own header earlier, how its done).  The team saw out the remaining minutes comfortably, and walked off the field more relieved than happy, well aware that their performance will be scrutinized in the morning papers.

Introducing the ultimate player ratings system:

Rating / Comment

1 — Should have been a Milkman

2 — Any relation to futbol is purely accidental

3 — Sound mind but crazy feet

4 — Thanks for coming

5 — Solid

6 — People took notice

7 — Sign him up

8 — What are you smoking? I want some too!

9 — Is this Iniesta, Xavi, or Messi?

10 — Possessed by the devil himself

Team:  Ben L(6.0), Nick(5.0), Matt(5.0), Paul(5.5), Mike(5.5), Eli(?), Riso(5.0),

Hychem (Ruben 45′,5.5), Ben H(5.5), Carlos(5.0)(Edgar 65′,6.0), Kwesi(5.0)

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Schedule for Sunday Oct 27th

Oct 23 2013 Published by under Club

Womens Red have a BYE this weekend

Womens White vs. Vendeval, 9am East 6th Street

Mens White vs NYAC, 2pm Randalls #75

Mens White Reserves  vs NYAC, 12noon Randalls #75

Mens Red vs. Mr. Dennehy’s FC, 12noon Randalls #74

Mens Black @ Dynamo SC, 4pm Kaiser Park

The Grays @ Clarkstown SC Eagles, 6pm Tibbet Brook Park field 2

The Old Boys vs Manhattan Celtic Bhoys, 10am Randalls #75

The Legends vs BW Gottschee , 4pm Randalls #74

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CPR White vs. NYC United

Oct 22 2013 Published by under Womens Whites

CPR White had their second win in a row this week with a 3-0 win over NYC United. Too bad it was state cup so doesn’t count in the standings.

No, we didn’t have a goalie.

Yes, this is our first winning streak of the season.

Yes, we had a full team!


Goal scorers: Mallory, Dufton, Al

Goalies: Dufton, Kelly, Al, Lisa, Erica, Ryan

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CPR White vs. Smokin’ Aces

Oct 22 2013 Published by under Womens Whites

We smoked em! Sort of.

Alex Malkin sacrificed her body on the right wing to get off a beautiful cross to Dufton to score the first goal of the game in the first half. CPR was feeling good until midway through the second half when one of the Aces caught our defense high and lofted a ball over [volunteer goalie] Gump’s head from just past midfield – one of these days we’ll have a real goalie. The game remained tied until the last 4 minutes…handball in the Aces box! Sigh of relief. Dufton finished the PK in the bottom left corner to end the game with a 2-1 win.

MVFs – Noreen and Cliff as “ball boys”

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